The Mighty Peanut

Ralph Kramden, the world’s most famous bus driver, was a contestant on the popular “$99,000 Answer” show (not to be confused with the “$64,000 Question” show). He had already won the $600 prize and was about to go for the grand prize. When his wife pleaded with him to take the $600 he scoffed, “Six hundred dollars? Peanuts, peanuts. What am I gonna do with peanuts?” To which his loving wife Alice calmly replied, “Eat ‘em, like any other elephant”.

Of course, due to the excitement of the moment, Alice was taking a very narrow view of the potential uses of peanuts. Had she really thought about it, she would have realized that Ralph would have many more uses for his winnings:

If Ralph was a farmer instead of a bus driver, he surely would have planted peanuts as an alternate to his annual wheat crop to replenish the lost nutrients in his soil.

If he were a printer, he could have used peanuts as a cheap source of blue ink.

If he were modeling for Gentleman’s Quarterly magazine (not likely) or Alice needed some beauty help, he could have made some cosmetics out of peanuts.

Still brushing up on his bus driver’s test? He could use peanut coffee to help him stay awake. He could even lighten his coffee with peanut milk – a nutritious, inexpensive substitute for dairy milk.

Want something to eat with his coffee? Bake a cake or cookie with peanut flour.

Need to clean up after himself? Peanut soap.

In the mood for pizza? No, sorry, nothing substitutes for a great marinara sauce, but why not use peanut cheese?

George Washington Carver, one of America’s greatest inventors (died 1943), claimed he came up with more than 300 uses for peanuts.

For me, nothing beats a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on a tasty slice of peanut bread.

Got (peanut) milk?